Dear Oz,

Did you know that the female nipple is attached to the female body?  Nipples are not, as men and babies seem to believe, items independent of their human hosts, to be ogled and groped at will.  By the same token, cats should also be aware that nipples, no matter how much they might, well, droop and dangle, are not things at which to spring or bat.  Therefore, please refrain from doing so when I am changing clothes, getting in or out of the shower, or engaging in any other activity during which time I am, as it were, exposed.  Thank you once again for your consideration.  Suez.