Dear Oz,

It's no use blaming the dog - I know it was you.  It's not the spinach in the hallway, or the fact that your breath reeks of scallions.  No.  It's not even the claw marks in the sourdough or the self-satisfied look on your face.  But to think you would be so bold as to leave little balsamic kitty tracks all over the kitchen counter...  Brazen.  Insolent.  And I would have been happy to share, had I KNOWN you enjoyed Greek salad.  But now that opportunity is lost and trust is destroyed.  I am distraught.  Suez.