Dear Oz,

I greatly appreciate your help in cleaning out your litter box every morning.  It is a rare and conscientious cat who does not leave the odious task entirely up to his human colleagues.  One point of procedure, however: we are scooping the clumps out of the box, and not back in.  I only mention this because we so often seem at cross-purposes when we are working at this together - me trying desperately to remove waste with the scoop, while you dilligently scatter the pieces into the far corners of the box.  I'm sure it is just a difference in style.  At any rate, I'm confident that if we continue to work together it will all come out fine.  Gratefully, - Suez.  P.S. Hasn't the gate helped terrifically in ensuring that George does not also help with the task?  His method of waste-removal does seem a bit crude.  Although, I suppose it could be considered a bit like recycling.  Still...

Note to Self:

Always don bra before drying hair in proximity of the cat, lest badness ensues.

Dear Oz,

Did you know that the female nipple is attached to the female body?  Nipples are not, as men and babies seem to believe, items independent of their human hosts, to be ogled and groped at will.  By the same token, cats should also be aware that nipples, no matter how much they might, well, droop and dangle, are not things at which to spring or bat.  Therefore, please refrain from doing so when I am changing clothes, getting in or out of the shower, or engaging in any other activity during which time I am, as it were, exposed.  Thank you once again for your consideration.  Suez.

DEAR OZ!

Again, I call your attention to my letter of June 27 containing three critical pieces of information regarding showers, naked human beings, and ladders.  Here are three additional and related items for your immediate perusal: #1 Bubble baths, in addition to containing those oh-so fascinating bubbles, also contain water (you'd think that would be self-evident); #2 Human beings, when they take bubble baths, are naked (can you not SEE the absolute lack of clothing?); #3 Naked human beings, or for that matter human beings in any state of dress, are NOT TRAMPOLINES (I can't believe I even have to point this out).  Extrapolate, dear!  Suez.  P.S. The apartment now smells of lavender and wet cat.  I mean, really!

Dear Oz,

It's no use blaming the dog - I know it was you.  It's not the spinach in the hallway, or the fact that your breath reeks of scallions.  No.  It's not even the claw marks in the sourdough or the self-satisfied look on your face.  But to think you would be so bold as to leave little balsamic kitty tracks all over the kitchen counter...  Brazen.  Insolent.  And I would have been happy to share, had I KNOWN you enjoyed Greek salad.  But now that opportunity is lost and trust is destroyed.  I am distraught.  Suez.