Dear Oz,

While I can understand your fascination with the items swirling down the toilet, I would prefer you not swipe at them as they go past.  It is messy and, frankly, gross.  I'll admit that some might see this as a strictly personal decision (though I'm not sure WHO would take advice in such matters from the dog), I see it as a public health concern.  Thank you for your consideration, Suez.  P.S. Jumping up and biting me on my backside while I was brushing my teeth yesterday morning, as well as your surprise raid on the toilet paper I WAS USING today seem to herald a return to your earlier hostile stance towards our administration.  Please be advised we are on the lookout for all further signs of treachery and will act accordingly.