Dear Oz,

You are correct: fishtanks do indeed contain fish.  Very exciting, I know.  Less exciting - or at least less exciting, perhaps, for YOU - they also contain water.  That's what fish live in.  Think of it as a shower or a bath.  You do remember our discussions regarding those?  And so, since I'm sure you would not forget, I can expect that if you ever again sink your entire leg into Violet's tank (that's his name, by the way - he DOES have a name, you know) you will refrain from then using me as transport from off the top of the bookshelf?  I'm only asking because 1) you DID use your claws, and 2) you were very damp.  Also, it is unbecoming of the current feline ambassador to this our home together to eat other residents, if that is indeed what you were intending.  George has made it clear that his primary form of communication and diplomacy in regards to your presence is an absolute lack of recognition.  He's a dog, and if he can do it, then I think perhaps you could also consider adopting such an attitude - towards both him and Violet.  I will continue to see and hear (and feed and pet) all of you (well, maybe I won't pet the fish), and in this way, we will live together in a peaceable kingdom.  Oh, and of course I've moved Violet's tank - I won't say where.  Diplomatically, Suez.